A tad bit melancholy.

The days are drawing closer and yet it feels like light years.

Im all alone,under my covers listening to say what you want-texas. It's quiet. Not surprisingly im on adilla's bed. This means something is missing. My siblings. Kaknis and Adik had just left from London approximately 3 hours ago and im slouching on her bed drowning in my own miseries. A collection of them as a matter of fact:

1. Kaknis (noobette) , Adilla ( poopie che) and Abang Hafiz (Bafez).I already miss them terribly and its only been 4 hours since they left. I feel slightly homesick despite being in my own home. It is a miserable feeling and it feels as though i have landed on one of the Bold and Beautiful episodes. My room is suddenly neat and tidy, which is VERY unusual. It feels empty and solitary. I can hardly smell their pleasant scent. They are my 'nirvana'. They make me happy and euphoric! Unfortunately that feeling will no longer exist for the next 2 months or so. Im not going to see kaknis and bafez until after my IGCSE's which are EVIDENTLY around the corner. I am going to miss those nights at Alexis bingeing on assorted cakes and our weekly visits to Kampachi for lunch at 5pm :( But there's always a next time.
2. IGCSE's. This syllable is the most domineering and frustrating alphabets that currently exist in my vocabulary. I do really have to start working. However, i do need inspiration. I need a bright light shining somewhere from over my head to motivate me to achieve to the best of my potential. In exactly a month, there will be no more leisure time for blogging or facebook-ing. It is going to be all about work,study and tension. It is as a matter of fact a series of toils,efforts and accomplishments. I aspire to do well,insya'allah and god-willing. From there only then will my journey as a young lady begin. Straight A's. Oh how everyone would love that but at the end of the day will it transform me into a more matured young adult? What does it mean? Will i learn to live in the real world or would it be a parrot talking nonsense? Will it provide me the assurance that i would get accepted to a renowned prep school or an ivy league college?  These answers are yet to be answered in the near future but not by my straight A's but how i am willing to achieve that greatness.
3. MOMMY. Just recently i verbally fought with my mum. It may seem like a weekly chore. But it has become a serious and temperamental issue. Not to elaborate on the events leading up to it. But i just WISH i could reconcile with my mum for once and for all. I don't want her to give on me. I wont let her down. She's my rock, the one who's pleasant smile warms my heart. I cant explain it. She is after all my mother and so there are no words that can describe my definite love for her. It has been 5 days since we fought and nor have we conversed with each other. I HATE not being able to share with her my happiness and sorrows of my week. And i admit i adore and terribly miss our silly arguments. After all like mother like daughter right? "I am here for you mama, no matter what and i have realized my selfish mistakes. And although it is too late to say sorry, it is never too late to try again"

4.22 am

9th April 2008

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